Thankful

A year ago I never would have imagined my life could be so wonderful. Everything I've been through, all the struggles, all the darkness, all the times when I couldn't see a future, they were honestly all worth it. Those experiences made me the strong confident woman I am today. Those experiences led me to the most amazing man (and handsome little dog.) And together we are creating an incredible life.

Tuesday Tunesday #6

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Tonight I'm listening to this amazing album and thinking about the future. I'm on the edge of making so many changes in my life and I feel so excited, ready, and content. The next few weeks are going to be big ones for me. I can't wait to write about how they turn out!

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y!

From the amazing bomobob etsy shop

Autumn is here!!!!!!!!! Finally I can leave my house without being immediately drenched in sweat! Finally I can wear my sweaters! Finally I can retire the window air conditioner! Finally I can sleep comfortably in my cozy, blanket filled bed! Autumn is my favorite season; can you tell?


Wise Words

About this time every year I reread White Oleander, one of the most beautifully written books I own. 

“Always learn poems by heart. They have to become the marrow in your bones. Like fluoride in the water, they'll make your soul impervious to the world's soft decay.”
― Janet Fitch, White Oleander

Favorite Pinterest Board of the Week

Bekah Joy, the blogger behind My Little Loves, is always inspiring but I'm really loving her home board this week.  

Something to Read
 
Whenever I'm having a bad day I immediately go to Jenny Lawson's blog and read her post about a big metal chicken. It might be my favorite thing on the internet. The entire internet. It's just that good.

Something to Watch

And last but certainly not least, a My Drunk Kitchen video. Enjoy! And please drink and cook responsibly.    

Tuesday Tunesday #5

Today's playlist has a Simon and Garfunkel sandwich going on, which means it's automatically awesome. I'm going to listen to it on repeat while I do all the apartment cleaning that I put off over the weekend. Hopefully these songs can block out the violent noise of Justin Bieber being blared across the street. Because I'm only a few more "Baby, baby, baby, oh's" away from calling the police.

My Life Is Like A Sitcom

In my group of friends, I am the go to person for unbelievable work stories. Everyone has certain experiences on the job that defy reason, but these situations happen to me constantly. Have you ever watched a movie with a scene that seems unrealistic and can best be described as zany? Those kinds of things happen to me all the time while I'm innocently trying to earn a paycheck. Most of my stories were definitely not funny when they happened, but I look back on them now and cannot keep from laughing.

I'll start with my stint as a 3rd shift employee at a hotel. Take a minute and think about the possibilities with this one. Yes, they all happened. My favorite story from this job took place during wedding season. The interesting part of working the 11pm to 7am shift is that you get the privilege of seeing people fancied up and ready to go out and have a night on the town; you also see them when they return. On one particular night, I was trying to help a frantic mother of the bride with room assignments for the groomsmen and bridesmaids before they left to hit up the bars. She explained to me that the reception was "dry" because she didn't want that bunch of irresponsible drunkards (the bride and groom's dearest friends) ruining her daughter's special day.

Cut to a mere 3 hours later. Who do I see coming through the front door, but a certain sequined dress wearing mother of the bride. And. She. Looks. Wasted. The embarrassed, and much more sober, wedding party is holding her up, guiding her through the door frame, and trying to keep her flailing arms at her sides. They finally coerce her through the door into the lobby and the laughter begins. Not giggling or chuckling. Hearty guffaws are escaping this tiny woman's mouth for no logical reason. To her, everything in this lobby is amusing. Fake plants? Hilarious! Leather arm chairs? A hoot! Complimentary apples? An absolute riot! At this point, her husband comes up to the front desk and tells us not to be alarmed. Surprisingly, she is not on the brink of alcohol poisoning; in fact, she only had two glasses of wine the whole night. Our favorite drunk 50 year old is just an incredible light weight. Which was a relief. I had been concerned for her safety.

You would think the story calms down at this point. Nope. It's only just beginning. I learned a fun fact about this sweet little woman. She likes to sing. Showtunes. Loudly. So I had a drunk, singing, dancing, and laughing middle aged woman in the center of the lobby at 2:30 in the morning. And she was not making any move to go up to her room. I thought I could persuade her with the gift of a free movie rental and popcorn. Did not work. Next, I promised to deliver fancy chocolates once she was up there. No dice. Then I saw her half closed eyes light up. She was staring at the luggage carts. Before I could distract her, she hopped precariously onto the wheeled contraption and began propelling herself across the marble floor. These are situations that do not get covered during training!

I decided that since the rest of her group had fallen exhausted into the surrounding chairs or slipped into the elevators to go up to their rooms and pretend this never happened, I was very clearly in charge. What does one do when a wealthy, "drunk", middle aged woman, who has paid for 22 rooms in your hotel, begins to tear around the lobby like a determined race car driver? You have to think on your feet. First things first, I had to stop her before she ran over an innocent guest. I tried blocking her route with my body, but realized quickly that I did not get paid enough to do that. Then I started singing with her. I felt like a hostage negotiator. Thankfully this made her slow down long enough to invite me onto the luggage cart with her, although, tellingly, she referred to it as a "go kart." Instead of going for the ride of my life, I told her that a woman of her status shouldn't have to propel her own go kart. I would step in and push her. It just so happens that I pushed her toward the elevator, but she was so excited to have a participant in her drunken shenanigans that she didn't complain.

Up the elevators we went, and I was convinced the insanity was over. But fate had one last idea. A group of drunk frat boys got off the adjacent elevator at the same floor. Have you ever seen a 50 year old woman wearing a sequin covered dress hiked up to reveal a bit too much of her control top pantyhose flirt with 5 preppy fraternity brothers in front of her husband? I have! She eventually requested a kiss on the cheek from each of them. Naturally, the boys took pictures of this. To this day I'm still curious about what they named that particular facebook album.

I finally wheel her to the correct room, help the husband maneuver her to the bed, then turn to leave. Mr. Relieved Husband slips some bills into my hand and I smile gratefully. I earned that tip! To my surprise, it turned out to be a dollar wrapped around his business card with his cell number hastily circled. Because that's how my life goes.

........................................

I think I'm going to share my work stories semi regularly. I still have to tell you all about the vintage shop with no bathroom, the time a 12 year old peed in the shoe store, and the mall security guards riding around on segways. I promise my life isn't a sitcom. But it definitely could be!

"Pretend It's Tuesday" Tunesday #4

From the Chelsea Victoria Etsy shop

Tuesday Tunesday is happening on a Thursday because I had some wonderful distractions at the beginning of this week. On Monday I had a second job interview and Tuesday I found out that I am now officially employed with an amazing company! The best part is, this company seems to really appreciate their employees. I've had too many terrible jobs so this will be a welcome relief. (But terrible jobs usually produce hilarious stories. I think I'll share some of mine with you tomorrow. Get ready.)

To celebrate my new job, the boyfriend treated me to tofu pad thai. I could eat it for every meal of every day. Seriously. Then we came home, listened to some lovey dovey music, and cuddled up with the pup. A perfect ending to a wonderful day. I'm so grateful for my two handsome gentlemen. 

I've been feeling so positive lately. I'm excited for where I am in my life right now and where I'm going. My mind is full of possibilities and my heart is full of love. Here is a short and sweet playlist of my favorite happy love songs so you can feel as sappy as I do right now. Enjoy!

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y!

 

From the Lucius Art Etsy shop

Today has been going wonderfully for me! The dreary rain stopped before I had to leave the house for my job interview, and if you read my Charlton Heston heavy last post you know why that made me overjoyed. I kicked ass in the interview and held back my urge to say this amzing Kelly Kapoor quote. Which is good. Obviously. Then Mr. Handsome treated me to our favorite sweet potato fries in the world. They're from Commonwealth SandwichBar and they are perfection. I don't even have words to describe them, just borderline indecent noises. Now we're enjoying the open window weather, pretending we can't hear our obnoxious neighbors, and getting ready to go see a samurai movie. Perfect day!

I want you to have just as good of a day as I did, so here are some links to entertain :)

My Favorite Pinterest Board of the Week

Chrissy Senger's  happy place board

Wise Words

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought, there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”

—	Frida Kahlo

Something to Read

I don't remember how I stumbled upon Sarah's blog Yes and Yes, a night of going down a blog rabbit hole probably, but I'm so glad I did! Not only is she an amazing writer and accomplished world traveler, she's also incredibly kind. Or a terrible person but she hides it well on her blog. Anyway. One of my favorite features she does is a monthly Network of Nice Hookups. She compiles a list people who need help with something, or advice, like students curious about studying abroad, people looking for new friends after a move, or those looking for an old fashioned pen pal.  The second list consists of people who have a skill or expertise that they are willing to share with someone. It always makes me silly happy when a person needing a hookup is featured the same month as a person willing to give that hookup. Internet magic. Check it out, it'll warm your heart and maybe even hook you up with someone to help you do that thing you've always wanted to do!

Something to Watch

This video is a bad lip reading of Twilight. And it is amazing! My favorite line: "That cakes my most bestest creation."

Hope you enjoy these links and have a great weekend!

Procrastination!

I had so many plans on my to do list Monday. Plans that involved doing actual things, like putting on real pants, leaving the house, making non online purchases. The such. Then the rain began. (Re-read that last sentence in a grandiose Charlton Heston Ten Commandments voice. That will now pop into your head every time it starts raining.)

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If you don't know me, you probably can't imagine my aversion to rain. It's almost as strong as Charlton Heston's aversion to gun control. This entire post is not going to be about the Heston. Maybe. Seriously though, I hate rain. I have nothing against it's life giving earth quenching properties. I've danced in it, splashed in it, and love hearing it fall while I'm indoors. But the minute I have to go through it to get somewhere, it becomes my enemy. My hair inflates to ten times it's normal width and height no matter the quantity of smoothing serums, frizz control products, or cute braids I employ. My pants dampen to uncomfortable levels and droop with the weight of the water. The shoes I have on are guaranteed to be canvas or fancy and easily ruined. Rain leaves me a soggy complaining mess.

I think more rain falls on me than other people. It seeks me out. I also feel this way about wind. I always seem more affected. I thought becoming impenetrable to inclement weather happened automatically with adulthood. Nope. I'd like to also note that I like snow even less. It leaves me just as puffy haired but also cold. I'm now realizing I'm some odd type of weather scrooge.

So, my rainy evening was spent marathoning Peep Show. It's a hilarious British comedy on the Netflix that everyone should watch. No matter the weather.

P.S. Yes, I call it "the" Netflix. I'm an old lady in a 24 year old's body. 

Tuesday Tunesday #3

So this weekend I:

• gave up on pants halfway through Saturday
• suffered a persistent sinus headache
• ate my weight in waffles at brunch

In the immortal words of Meatloaf, "2 out of 3 ain't bad." I'm calling this long weekend a success! Now I'm off to celebrate with some music. Feel free to join this virtual dance party!

Wise Words For Your Weekend

You can find this print in one of my favorite etsy shops, Roaring Softly.

Have a great weekend!

Fun Fact

You may have noticed that I don't have any real pictures of myself on here. It's not out of a desire for anonymity or because I'm a secret spy. I just do not react well to cameras. At all. The minute someone points a camera at me, my eyes squint shut, my mouth drops open into a strange attempt at smiling, and I don't know what to do with my hands. I look like a fish that is trying to imitate a happy human. A fish with confused hands. Anyway, this reaction occurs with alarming potency when I attempt a self portrait. It is not pretty guys.

To fix this girl-without-a-face-problem my blog has, I've enlisted the help of a photographer friend. Hopefully she can coax out of me an emotion other than panic when we do this photoshoot. If not, I think I'll just pretend I look strikingly like Kate Middleton and put pics of her on this ole blog. Just imagine the Duchess saying the things I write. Hmmm, I might do this anyway. It sounds amazing. But then again, I don't want to draw the anger of the Queen. And that's a handy personal motto for daily living.

Tuesday Tunesday #2

One of my favorite pastimes in high school was spending hours at the library. Yep. Hanging out among the books was my idea of a good time. Still is. It was there in the av section that I discovered an album called "The Ghost of Fashion" by a group I'd never heard of, Clem Snide. It was love at first listen. Their Elvis reference in the second track stole my heart and kept it. (For those of you who don't know, I love all things Elvis. I even have a bust of Elvis that looks like it was crafted by an overachieving art student in the 90's. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll make an appearance on here soon enough.)

During my 4 years of high school this was my favorite band and my go to music to fit every angsty teenage mood. Listening to it now brings back a flood of memories that make me feel like I'm 17 again. Thankfully, I now have a better handle on my emotions and, almost as importantly, my eyebrow tweezing.

Now that I've shared, it's your turn to tell me the songs that transport you back to high school. The more embarrassing the better!

I Just Cannot

Today's regularly scheduled post has been abandoned. My favorite etsy stores hardly seem relevant after this week we have had politically.

Todd Akin reminded us all that he is an absolute moron when he shared his "expertise" about rape by saying, "If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." Then he went on to say he meant "forcible rape." You know, instead of kind and gentle rape. This man serves on the House Science Committee. This man serves on the House Science Committee! He actively legislates based on these backward and dangerous views! But, get this, he heard this nugget of bullshit from a doctor. Seriously. A doctor.

Dr. John C. Willke is a retired obstetrician and holds the view that women are unlikely to become pregnant by "forcible rape." He clarified this view in an interview with the New York Times where he said, "This is a traumatic thing -- she's, shall we say, she's uptight," Willke told the Times. "She is frightened, tight, and so on. And sperm, if deposited in her vagina, are less likely to be able to fertilize. The tubes are spastic." Yep. The tubes are spastic. Many people disagree with this theory because, well, because it is not true. Science does not agree with this theory.

Mitt Romney made a big show of distancing himself from Akin and Willke's statements and condemning them. Romney even called for Akin to drop out of the race. "Today, his fellow Missourians urged him to step aside, and I think he should accept their counsel and exit the Senate race.” But Romney seems to be forgetting that his running mate Paul Ryan holds views nearly identical to Akin.

Paul Ryan co-sponsored with Todd Akin the Sanctity of Human Life Act, which would give legal rights to fertilized eggs from the moment of conception. That means rape victims would be forced by the government to carry their rapist's baby against their will. Last year, Ryan co-sponsored a bill with dozens of other House members to ban federal funding for abortion. The No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act originally allowed exceptions only for "forcible rape," the same language Akin used. This disqualified victims with developmental disabilities, victims that were drugged and then raped, and victims that were underage and raped by full grown men. Because a 12 year old impregnated by a 45 year old should be left to deal with this on her own.

This article from Jezebel perfectly captures my feelings at the moment. I need a break from the world; or at the very least a break from the internet.

I'll see you on Monday.

24 Before 25

Birthday Fun!

I am a dreamer. Forever and always, nothing will change that. But this year my goal is to become more of a do-er. I know exactly the kind of life I want. One I can look back on and see adventures and wonderful mistakes that changed everything. One that leaves me with a flood of memories triggered by a song or a smell that completely overtake me. One that I stop putting off for fear of missed opportunities. It's been 4 months since I've made this list. I still have so many exciting things to do!

Here are the 24 things I plan to do and experience before I turn 25

1. Learn to play the harmonica. Specifically play with my super musically talented friends .
2. Go skinny dipping So. Much. Fun.
3. Get my nose pierced. Again.
4. Ride my bike more. In actual traffic, not just in Leave it to Beaver style idyllic neighborhoods.
5. Be prepared for winter. I've lived in this state practically all my life but I still am surprised when it snows and I have nothing to wear. 
6.  Spend at least a month eating a vegan diet. 
7. Learn how to screenprint. Make the t-shirts my angsty 16 year old self would have loved.
8. Go on more aimless walks. I'm sure my pup will enjoy this one.
9. Get a pinata all for myself. See above. It was glorious.
10. Buy a record player. Just another perk of living with Mr. Handsome.
11. Get new glasses. Vow not to fall asleep wearing them. I am in LOVE with my new Lookmatic frames
12. Commission artwork.
13. Throw a fondue party. 70's clothing and shag rugs optional. 
14. Take 10 bubble baths. I like setting relaxing goals. 
15. Ride a mechanical bull. Bonus points if I break any mechanical bull riding records. 
16. Learn to make a killer mixed drink. My stint as a bartender left me more than qualified.
17. Go to a drive in movie. I went to two sit-in picnic style movies that I'm counting.
18. Beat my boyfriend in a game of boggle. Good thing my goal wasn't to gloat.
19. Actually make a craft that I've pinned.
20. Paint my entire apartment. 
21. Go back to college.
22. Make the jump to being heavily tattooed.
23. Eat 5 foods I've never tried before.
24. Let the people who are most important to me know how much I love them.

   24b. Live it up.

Tuesday Tunesday #1

I think the last few lazy, hazy days of summer are here. At night the air is getting chilly and crisp; it's perfect cuddling weather. This is the music I put on quietly while I'm slipping off to sleep and ready to dream of fall days coming soon. The last song has a few f-bombs so skip that one if you're at work or have delicate ears.

Missing The Old Roommates

A year ago I had the pleasure of living with 3 amazing fellas. We were a dream team for 12 glorious months. Toward the end of our lease, I got inspired to do something to celebrate our happy home. I planned a whole week dedicated to hanging out with each other and being awesome together. One day was set aside for hard core Olympic style competition. The events were amazing. There was a no hands nacho and cheese eating contest, an impressively focused game of hot potato yam, the life threatening chubby bunny, and a water relay that stopped traffic. The most hilarious event was a game that required us to put on socks. The catch was that we would be blindfolded and wearing gloves. I want you to go right now and try to do that. Harder than it sounds, right?

We sat, blindfolded and gloved, in a circle with a pile of socks and other decoy items piled in front of us. On the count of three we started frantically grabbing, flailing, and pushing for the footwear. My pointy elbows gave me an advantage here. But then we had to put them on our feet. Some of us were better at this than others. I couldn't even figure out which end of the sock had the opening. Needless to say, I didn't win. I managed to put on two socks while my coordinated roommates donned at least 6. All while I tried to sabotage them and hide the socks in my shirt. Because I'm a sore loser.

Don't get me wrong, I love living with my man Mr. Handsome and our dog. But sometimes I really miss my boys. 1477 for life.

Call Me Nadine

I found the most amazing curtains at the thrift store yesterday. They're floral print and the predominant colors are turquoise, blue, and the most perfect 1970's avocado green. Of course it was love at first sight. I put them up immediately only to discover that they squeak sooooo loudly when you pull them open. Cue the music.

All I need is the eye-patch and to stock up on cotton balls.

  P.S. For those of you that have no idea what I'm talking about, watch Twin Peaks asap. It's a David Lynch masterpiece. Everyone leads a secret double life,  there's a character called Log Lady, and teen /small town angst, mystery, and donuts appear in each episode. It is pure magic.

Hello!

First post, first post, you're my first post! (Sung in my head to the tune of "Sex Bomb.")

Now that I have that out of the way, I'm Ashley! I love sarcasm, thrifting, and spontaneous adventures. And vodka. My life has strange movie quality twists and turns, maybe because of all the vodka,  that need to be documented. I hope this becomes a place where I can record the best and worst parts of my twenty's and the seemingly insignificant moments in between.